I've been feeling more happy lately and I don't know if its the exercise or this realization I had after something someone said @ church. I have always heard that MONEY was not bad but the love of money that was bad. And I would always think "Crap! I like money and I'd love more of it!" and I was pretty ashamed of that because I know it is so important to be happy with what you have. Then someone somewhere (I think it might have been Summer T.) recently said that pride was wanting MORE than your neighbors. Just that one little word "MORE" has made such a difference in how I've been thinking about goals, righteous pride, self-esteem, my marriage and my mothering abilities. This may be a nonsensical jumble because its the evolution of thoughts over the period of a week but bare w/ me.
I think I just never knew where to draw the line. Is it bad to want to be rich? NO. Why not? Because if you want enough money to be comfortable, be able to be fiscally charitable and generous to others, build children's college funds, save for a nice retirement, live in a nice (not excessive) home, have safe dependable low-maintenance vehicles, etc. it's OKAY. Those are goals that are good to desire and work for. Bad pride is the love of having MORE than everyone else.
I have always had issues with the difference between self-esteem and conceit. You can be proud of the way you look and allow yourself to like yourself as long as it doesn't involve ranking i.e., "There's only 2 people here fatter than me. My hair is cuter than theirs, does she know the 90's are over?" You know, crazy abstract inner monologue. Or looking at accomplishments and abilities there will always be a person who has done more/better.
I look at other moms/wives and KNOW that they are MORE patient, loving, kind, culinary savvy, organized, thrifty, etc. than me but as of this week I can honestly say I have just been comparing myself to me and it feels so good. I'm the most neurotic person I know, constantly comparing myself to others' best attributes on their best day and ALWAYS finding myself lacking. And then feeling guilty for not being able to be happy with what I have. Again bad pride is not the desire for more than what you've got, it's wanting more than everyone else. It has taken me a while but I love that I finally get this.
So in a nutshell, allowing myself to be proud of ME and my accomplishments and allowing myself to want more (physically, monetarily, socially and emotionally) for myself and my family, because I want it/I'm worth it, not because "so and so" has it, is it, or does it, in turn allows me to stop comparing myself so much w/ others and then makes me more content w/ what I have. Of course I don't know if I will ever be able to stop comparing all together but I'm better than I was yesterday.
6 comments:
I am right there with ya Randa, it is hard not to compare yourself. In fact this blogging thing made it WORSE at first, everybody puts their kids perfectly dressed in their cleanest spot in their home and tells all the best things that could happen in their life. It wasn't until I started talking to these people and finding out it is all show, they are human, they are like me (except skinnier and better cooks and more sociable:), but they have their own imperfections too. I too can finally look at myself and like myself for who I am, there are things I am lacking but we are all on different stepps on the ladder and it is unhealthy to compare myself to others! I loved your post and think it made perfect sense, thanks for sharing it!
Saying it was all "show" was a little harsh, I just meant that WE all seem to want to show the best, nobody wants to put all the negative on there for the world to see:)!
Oh, and the money thing is a tuff one! Everybody wants money, it to me is when we have to have the best and be showy with it instead of putting it away and helping the less fortunate is when it becomes wrong! I love hearing stories of millionares who drive station wagons (I think that is in the millionaire next door), to me that is the write way to have money!
That was refreshing and true. Thanks.
I love reading your blog! Keep it going! Jt is feeling better...not all the way but he isnt collapsing on the ground anymore. :)
So, I totally love the fact that you have a category for svithes. And I do love this post.
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